Yes, I said it's fine before but I don't think so no more I said it's fine before I've changed my mind

Once again, it's been a while...

So it seems like I had my life exactly on track the way I wanted it last time I was here... oh how things change.

Once again I find myself in old patterns. In the past year or so, anytime I find myself "between" relationships I call on an old "friend" (read: someone I dated and got along great with, but not on the same page dating-wise, but great sex nonetheless). Oh, by the way, "man of my dreams" from a couple of posts ago and I have had a parting of the ways, as we unfortunately found ourselves to be in different phases in our lives and not as compatible as we once thought. But this isn't meant to be a pity party, this is the about-to-be-drunken-ramblings of me, needing to figure out where the hell my head is, and thinking, possibly mistakenly, that my seldom-updated blog is exactly the venue in which to do it. (Oh, in case I forgot to mention it, I cracked a bottle of red, and am systematically showing that motherfucker who's boss).

Where the hell was I going with that?...

Ok, think I got it.

So I am the girl who lets everyone think that I'm all anti-relationship, that I am fine on my own, that I don't need anyone. What a load. I finally found someone who I completely, 100% fell in love with, thinking he felt exactly the same way about me, and what happened? I got suckerpunched, that's what. If I go into any details at all I will be blubbering in my aforementioned shiraz, and that would be a ridiculous abuse of unsuspecting wine, but suffice it to say, I feel I got my butt handed to me on this one. So now I am doing my usual... running straight back to C in desperate attempt at distracting my brain from thinking about what happened with ridiculous hot sex the same night of the breakup. So now I find myself wondering if this makes me a bit of a slut? I was at a poker game with a bunch of girls back in the spring, some good friends mixed with some girls I had never met before, and near the end of the night, after I found myself sans poker chips, I found myself in conversation with a girl I had just met that night. (Just to preface this, everyone at that poker table was married with the exception of myself and J, who is in a long term relationship). Anyway, the conversation came around to my relationship status (something I find all married people are pathologically unable to sidestep), and after more than a few glasses of whatever it was I was drinking that night, I told her I was single, but sleeping with a few different people. I swear I could FEEL the eyebrows raise in that room (married women scandalized). At the time I couldn't care less what anyone thought about it, and still don't really (I advocate safe sex, and am very careful), but now I find myself wondering if I am avoiding the pain of breakups and loneliness by engaging in meaningless sex, and thinking I might be the emotional equivalent of... um... fucking shiraz.

Oh fuck it. I'm having more sex than married women. Eat me.

*Erase-Rewind - The Cardigans*

Cause I'll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna jump how high? Real high cause I'm just so fly

Whoops... Seem to have forgotten about this place for a bit. Ok, in the interest of getting all caught up in the least word-vomity way, here's a top 10 list of the highlights of the last 3 months so we can all move on...

1. Survived the holiday season working my 14th Christmas in retail. Barely.


2. Went to Cuba. Hated it, but loved the tan I came back with to make all my fellow Winnipeggers jealous with.


3. Got the happy news that I will be going to Cancun in June for work, hopefully getting the bad taste of Cuba out of my mouth.


4. Hooked up with my ex. Twice.


5. Immediately regretted said hookups.


6. Engaged in a lot of shopping to distract myself from aforementioned stupidity. Two words: Retail Therapy.


7. Dodged the late night booty texts from a retardedly hot 28-year-old who, in the past, has demonstrated his remarkable abilities in bed.


8. Am currently wondering why the hell I am dodging the late night booty texts from a retardedly hot 28-year-old who, in the past, has demonstrated his remarkable abilities in bed.


9. Am also shoe-shopping on line while composing this post.


10. Am thinking it's possible I may suffer from ADD.

There. All caught up. Now there's 5 minutes of your life you will never see again.

You're welcome.

*Jump - Kriss Kross*

When they found her Christmas morning at the scene of the attack there were hoof prints on her forehead and incriminating Claus marks on her back

People's idiocy cracks me up.

Case in point: I'm checking the customer voicemail at work on Tuesday, and this voice reminiscent of Marge Simpson's mom grates across my eardrums with "hellooo??? hellooooo?? Is anyone there? Well... it's 10:30 and your message says your business hours are from 9:30 a.m. and I'm supposed to call during business hours and yet NO ONE is answering the phone. My husband is outside in the mall parking lot and I just need to know if you're even located in the mall *note: we actually say in the outgoing message that we are located in the mall* and I need to tell my husband" CLICK. So I move on to the next message, and it's "is anyone even there??? my husband is out in the parking lot and he's just driving around not knowing where to go, and I don't understand how to use this message machine and... HELLO???? HELLOOOOOO???" CLICK.

I literally laughed my ass off.

11 more shopping days until everyone can kiss my butt:)

*Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer*

Working hard to get my fill everybody wants a thrill paying anything to roll the dice just one more time

What's a girl gotta do to get a Red Wings game televised in Canada? (Yes, I already know... subscribe to NHL Centre Ice. I get it. I also get that I can buy at least 2 new pairs of shoes with the money I would spend on a hockey season's worth of cable bill. Hmmm... cable... shoes... cable... shoes...)

I love hockey games. Great butts. Get over yourself. You were thinking the same thing.

So I am ankle-deep in my 13th Christmas season at work (I'm a retail store manager and regional trainer), and, as such, am compiling my annual top-ten list of un-favourite things (Oprah would hate this) about holiday shoppers. Read on...

10. People who respond with "I'm just looking" to every statement I make, then proceed to make a huge mess in my store, because they have refused my help, and think they can find what they're looking for more efficiently than I can.

9. People who think that it's perfectly ok to let their children run amok in my store, smearing their grubby little hands on mirrors, walls, and, oh yah, $1300 shearling coats.

8. Snapping fingers for service. Ditto for whistling, and, believe it or not, "yoo-hoo-ing". (Yes, I've been "yoo-hoo-ed". By someone who likely thought she was Zsa Zsa Gabor) Let me tell you this: If you do this in a restaurant to your waiter, I put my money on the waiter spitting in your main course. Don't do this. It makes you a patronizing git.

7. Customers who think they can treat me like "the help" because I am in the service industry. Here's a head's up, my friend: I probably make more than you do, AND I'm better looking.

6. People who ask me if a particular item makes their butt look fat. No, it's not the garment. It's your ass.

5. Handing me your empty coffee cup and saying "get rid of this for me, will you?". Um... again, not "the help", and probably make more than you. Throw out your own trash.

4. Acting like what I'm showing you is the most hideous thing you have ever seen, all the while sporting faux-fur lined Crocs, a fanny pack, track pants with "JUICY" emblazoned across the aforementioned humongous ass, and a scrunchie.

3. Women who think I'm trying to hit on their husbands/boyfriends, and proceed to treat me like I'm wearing the scarlet A. Here's the thing ladies... I've dated a lot of guys, and all of them have been way better than your pencil neck boyfriend. You can keep him.

4. Men who hit on me because I'm helping them. Please know this: I am paid to be pleasant. I will laugh politely at your bad jokes, listen earnestly to your "fascinating" stories, and make you want to spend a lot more money than you probably should. This does not mean I want to go home with you when I leave for the day.

3. "Big Spenders" who return their entire purchase the very next day. Thanks for that. You only took up an hour of my time...

2. Women who want me to shoehorn them into skirts and dresses that were never meant to fit over their girth. What did that poor dress ever do to you?

1. People who feel the need to swear profusely while speaking to me in regular conversation. Doubly so people who feel the need to scream and swear when they don't get their way. Lovely. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

I feel better now:)

Funny story... as a die hard Red Wings fan, I am obviously glued to the t.v. during playoff season (because, obviously, the Wings will never miss playoffs), and last year one of my best friends came over to my place a few times while the home games were on, and was convinced that everyone who lives in Detroit must be a huge Journey fan, as they played the song at every game. After I gave him the "gimme a break" face (something I've perfected over the years), and had a good laugh at his expense, I told him to listen to the words, and to get back to me when he figured it out. A week later he got it. Poor guy... not so quick on the uptake...

I though it was funny...

*Don't Stop Believing - Journey*

The poets let a generation down and modern music could be the healing sound it's the only way

Sigh...

Happy Monday. Well, it is for me, as I, a retail manager (a.k.a. work monkey) work almost every weekend, giving me weekdays off instead. Quite lovely really, in its own way. While everyone else is scraping the ice off their cars, fighting Monday morning rush hour traffic, and cursing the beginning of another work week, I am holed up in my cozy living room with a cup of coffee and my buddies Ellen and Rachel. It's a trade-off. I've been working this routine for over 13 years now, and I really don't know how anyone can stand working 9-5 Monday to Friday. I love having a day off, work a couple of days, have another day off, work a few more days, and so on. It's kind of like having early dismissal when I was in school.

God, wasn't life a lot less complicated then?

So... my messed up, insane love(?) life... I swear, I just split up with Velcro Man not even 3 weeks ago, and was wondering how I was ever going to keep myself busy in the months to come, when not one, but 2 boys from last summer get back in touch with me in the last 2 weeks. Hmmm... could the tide be turning? The great part is that neither one of them are looking for anything serious (thank God for that, Velcro Man was practically measuring my ring finger. Bleuch. Although, if I had to get married, I could be convinced to wear this...), so this could be a fun winter after all. Winters in this city can be very long and cold...

So I plugged the car in for the first time Saturday night, as I've been noticing Carmelina doesn't seem too enthused about starting in the mornings lately. As I was walking out to the car yesterday morning, I was thinking "don't forget to unplug Carmelina again". So what do I do? I brush all the snow off the windshield (right in clear view of the extension cord), get back in the car, and reverse out of my space, while wondering "what was that sound?" which, of course, was the sound of my block heater cord being yanked out of my engine compartment. Bugger. I only do it like 4 times a winter. Great work. Guess I'm going to have to go in for service this week after all.

Whatever. boot shopping makes everything better.

*We Will Still Need a Song - Hawksley Workman*

He's gonna buy a parrot that speaks her language but all it'll say is what are you doing with him let's take off take off take off take off

Have I mentioned boys are stupid?

So the boy I just broke up with a couple weeks ago is apparently not familiar with the terms of the "clean break" I suggested. Or maybe in his mind sending me text messages does not constitute actual contact as there is no face to face, or voice contact. Really, I don't know. So anyway, after getting several "hey how's it going?" I got annoyed and, rather than telling him to take a hike, asked him exactly what was "too independant" supposed to mean? (I know, dumb move. It was bugging me ok? Seriously, most men WANT a woman who is not clingy or needy. Just my luck I get someone who needs someone needier than he is). So he has the nerve to tell me that I am too closed off, and am afraid to let anyone close to me, and implied that not only am I unable to be in a serious relationship, I am also an emotional cripple... -deep cleansing breaths, deep cleansing breaths, deep cleansing breaths...

My darling pink cell may have taken its maiden voyage across the room after I read that one. Serves me right for not just ignoring the guy. Lesson learned. No further contact. If I want an educated opinion of myself I'll get my girlfriends drunk and ask them.

So anyway, not 2 days after I broke it off with Mr. Velcro do I get a text from this guy I had dated briefly in the summer, had a lot of fun with, and it never really ended exactly, but we just kind of lost touch when I had to go out of province for work and he had some kind of seminar in Toronto. Anyway, this one is all about having fun, not getting boring, and has the cutest ass I think I've ever seen. And we're getting together this weekend.

Things are looking up.

So tomorrow is Black Friday. Yah, I know, I'm Canadian, we don't have Black Friday here. But in a fun way we do, because all the stores here do something magical sale-wise in order to deter dumb Canadian shoppers from driving through feet upon feet of snow, over ice-covered highways, and through hostile border crossings in order to save the equivalent of a few bucks once you factor in gas, hotel, and the greasy fried fare that seems to be de rigeur in American restaurants... ...rambling. Anyway, if the retail gods are kind to me, I shall be boot shopping to my little heart's content tomorrow. Sigh. There is nothing like the feel, smell, and sight of a lovely new leather boot to make the world a better place. I firmly believe that if you took all the world leaders and forced them to go shoe shopping together, there would be no more war.

Don't judge me.

*Rico - Matthew Good Band*

Way to go, way to flip off everyone I steal your thunder then I try to bolt But I could stand a little pity now and then

I'm soooooo not 21 anymore:(

How is it I used to be able to go out every night of the weekend until 3 or 4 am, while consuming copious quantities of alcohol, and still be able to work the next day? Granted, it was with a nasty hangover, but still, I did it. Fast forward to this past weekend, when I worked all day Saturday, went out to the club, where I quit drinking at midnight and drank water the rest of the night, was in bed by 3 am, and when my alarm went off at 7 am I truly felt as though I would die. And the feeling of a slow and painful death followed me through the entire day.

Oh well. I survived.

I find it amazing that people actually go to bars to meet people. I mean really... the guys at the bars have not changed a bit. Case in point: As I was walking across the dance floor from the bar back to where my friends were standing, some totally random guy grabs me and starts grinding against my ass. Lovely. That's a great way to introduce yourself to someone. Will this eventually devolve further to the point we just sniff eachother's butts by way of greeting? So after I extricated myself from that particular gentleman, I had a few minutes of downtime before I felt a clammy hand on my arm. After I pulled my arm away once, clammy hand reappeared, this time on my waist. So I turn around and some guy is like right in my face staring at me. Creepy... Is this something that really works on other women?

Actually, I bet it does, if we're judging by the number of women who feel the need to wear micromini's and no underwear (I saw an alarming amount of cooter Saturday night. Amnesia would be pretty nifty right now...) It makes me wonder about the type of gene pool that is being created by bar-hookups.

Yikes. Scary thought...

So going to visit bff in hospital today. She had a sudden intense pain on Thursday, and by Friday she was in the hospital having tests run. Turns out she had a baseball-sized mass on her ovary and had to have emergency surgery to remove it. She has to be in the hospital for at least 3 days, so my plan is to bring her Twilight to read, so I can get her hooked on it and turn her into another Twihard like the rest of my friends.

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha...

*Volcano Girls - Veruca Salt*

It's tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that's right on time it's tricky

I loved White Girls.

So here's the first of what I hope will be many posts on my new blog. Word of advice: don't delete your blog on a whim. I did, like 5 years ago, I think because I was breaking up with my fiance and in an attempt to remove all trace of my life with him I deleted my entire blog. I now realize I could have just deleted any post pertaining to him, along with pictures, but I guess that's why people always call me impulsive (read: pigheaded, irrational, stubborn... you get the picture). So lesson learned. Out with the old, on with the new and all that stuff...

So, highlights of my week... a total creeper reminiscent of Buffalo Bill from the Silence of the Lambs (remember? The dude who was making a woman suit out of his victims and did that creepy dance to that song while he was doing his makeup and hiding his willy) comes into my store and is all "do you have a purple leather jacket in my size?" and all I can think is how homeboy was sizing me up to see if any of my parts would look good on him (thankfully I'm a size 4, and, if you remember the movie, his victims were like size 14's), while marvelling that anyone would for real go out in public with his hair and makeup so poorly maintained. I know, this is how my brain works. Now all I can think about is that scene from Clerks 2

I'm trying to navigate my way through Amazon.com to buy my uncle's Christmas present. I'm having issues. I think it's mainly because I am looking for books, when all I really want to be shopping for is an Alexander McQueen scarf, which causes most people to roll their eyes at me every time I mention it. I think it has something to do with the fact that it is $895. Whatever. I'm not spoiled. I deserve all my stuff. Anyway, my sister insists it's super easy to buy all these books my uncle wants from Amazon, but it keeps telling me that the sellers can't send all these titles to my address. I wonder if it's a Canadian thing. I think I'm going to see if my sister will trade names with me for Christmas if it's so bloody easy. Grrr.

Bah humbug moment.

I'll get over it...

*It's Tricky - Run DMC*