Wednesday, April 6, 2011

You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do and it's breaking my heart in two because I never wanna see you a sad girl don't be a bad girl

Have I mentioned what a trainwreck my personal life is? It never fails to amaze me that I can manage a very demanding career, successfully pay bills on time, have a social life, and raise my daughter singlehandedly - essentially in control (as much as anyone can be in control) of my life, and yet when it comes to making decisions about men I am about as intuitive as Pamela Anderson circa the whole Tommy Lee debacle. I have been trying to self-analyse lately, and get to the root of the problem, and I think I may have it... probably not, but what the hell, I'll test this theory. I think that I try too hard to portray the "independant woman" to everyone I meet, and insist that I need someone as independant as I am, but when it comes down to it, I am really a 1950's housewife at heart, and just want someone to make a martini for at the end of the day. Problem is, by telling everyone I don't want anything serious, I meet these guys who believe me, and are thrilled to have met a girl who isn't looking to "tie them down", and then when I get involved, and start picturing martini shakers and aprons, I realize that, once again, I have managed to meet the wrong guy.

Following me?

Didn't think so.

By trying so hard to be Wonder Woman (love the boots), I have effectively shot myself in the foot, because I'm not the tough-as-nails chick I have let everyone think I've been for the last 4 years, I'm the opposite. I'm insecure, afraid, and lately, very alone.

So now what?

Wonder Woman made it look so easy...

*Wild World - Cat Stevens*

1 comment:

  1. I am sorry that you are feeling so down. I wish I had some advice for you. You don't just project strong woman but are a strong woman, I know that you can and will work this out and if you ever need to vent you know my ear is always open for you.