Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe
Thursday, November 10, 2011
This is how I roll come on ladies it's time to go we headed to the bar baby don't be nervous no shoes no shirt and I still get service
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Notice the angry red swelling and chafing. It hurts like a motherfucker too. Great ring though.
If I get the damned thing off it's staying in my jewelry box.
*Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash*
Monday, October 31, 2011
All these places had their moments with lovers and friends I still can recall some are dead and some are living in my life I've loved them all
1. been in love
2. been heartbroken
3. given birth to a child who decided that "posing" with her hand on her head during the labor process was an acceptable alternative to an "easy" delivery.
4. walked face-first into a glass patio door while I was brushing my teeth. Lucky for me, one of my best friends witnessed the entire thing and will likely never let me forget it.
5. smoked pot. Like, a lot of it.
6. successfully escaped a bad relationship and have not looked back.
7. had an amazing, movie-scene-worthy makeout on a beach in Mexico at night with a guy I had just met that day.
8. flirted my way out of what would have been a $400 speeding ticket.
9. regretted not getting that cute police officer's phone number.
10. become close friends with both my sisters.
11. partied until sunrise with one of my best friends since we both turned 30 (this one's for you, S)
12. found a career I love.
13. perfected a recipe for the best white chocolate brownies you have ever eaten. And no, I will not give out the recipe, but if you're lucky I'll make you a batch.
14. yelled at my daughter's principal and told her she sucks at her job and should quit.
15. tried caviar. Disgusting slop...
16. realized I am coming up lacking as a Mom in so many ways, and try to be better at it every day.
17. adopted a cat from the Humane Society. ♥Frankie♥
18. locked myself out of my car not once, not twice, but 3 times. And one of those times was because I flushed my keys down a public toilet.
19. been "caught" singing and sit-dancing while driving by other drivers. And I don't give a rat's ass.
20. tried to make peace with the fact that my mother and I just do not see eye to eye. On anything.
21. envisioned what my life would be like without various people in it just to see if I'll cry. I always do.
22. made a lot of choices in my life that I may regret on the surface, but am glad I made them, because without those choices I might be in a completely different place.
*In My Life - The Beatles*
Friday, October 28, 2011
Yes, I said it's fine before but I don't think so no more I said it's fine before I've changed my mind
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Yah pass that bottle around got the rock from Detroit soul from Motown the underground stoned f*cking pimp we trash the mack and slap back the wack
Friday, June 3, 2011
Don't pretend I think you know I'm damned precious and hell yah I'm the mother f***ing princess I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right
Monday, May 2, 2011
Can we film the operation? Is the head dead yet? You know the boys in the newsroom got a running bet. Get the widow on the set we need dirty laundry
Last night as I was working on a project online (read: downloading music and shoe shopping) and half listening to the t.v. (I'm one of those people that always have the t.v. on for background noise), I heard the news that Bin Laden kicked it. Now, obviously good news right? I mean, I know there are bleeding hearts out there who are all "all human life is a gift", and "everyone has an eternal soul", and blah blah blah. Clearly I'm not one of them. I tend to think Americans are pretty much gun toting, flag waving, gum flapping fanaticals, but I do think they hit the nail on the head with capitol punishment, which we unfortunately do not have in Canada. I believe the punishment should fit the crime - you off someone, you should be offed yourself. I would take it one further than the U.S., though, and decree that your execution should be in the exact manner as that which you used on your victim. That might actually be a real deterrant, rather than letting criminals spend their sentences in country clubs with bars on the windows.
Whoops... I digress...
So here's where I'm confused: One of the networks claimed that the body is in the custody of the U.S., and is undergoing DNA testing to determine that it is, in fact, the body of Osama Bin Laden. Here's where I'm a little fuzzy: this man has been the most elusive fugitive on the planet for over a decade, evading capture despite the best efforts of the military. So it's all well and good that there is a body to take DNA samples from, but precisely what are they comparing to? I sincerely doubt he volunteered a blood sample at some point, just in case he died and wanted to assist in his absolute indentification. Another news station claimed that his body has been buried at sea. Really??? The U.S. government just decided to toss him overboard a navy ship just as the story broke? Sure. I have some excellent land in Florida to sell you if you believe that one.
The good thing about this story, aside from the obvious being that a terrorist is (possibly) dead (pending "DNA identification"), is it overshadowed the gong show that was the royal wedding. Now, instead of weeks and weeks of post-mortem on Kate's dress (too much lace), the Queen's hat (who cares), and William's thinning hair (seriously, he's not even 30 yet and he's bearing a startling resemblance to his dad, and no one is running out to make a calendar of him), now the world will be hearing some actual relevant news, and the people affected by the events of 9-11-01 can now perhaps get some kind of closure knowing the man who perpetrated these crimes is, in fact, dead.
We just have to get the news from a hairsprayed, overly-made-up news anchor with a shit eating grin. Oh well. I guess we can't win 'em all.
*Dirty Laundry - Don Henley*
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Well you must be a girl with shoes like that she said you know me well I seen you and little Steven and Joanna round the back of my hotel oh yeah
- The overly excitable residents of this fair city go through their summer wardrobes and shorts and skirts and cropped pants begin to make their appearances. This would be all well and good, if it weren't for the lack of exfoliation and exposure to sun for an entire winter. Tip: Blindingly white skin = lost retinas.
- Open toed shoes appear along with aforementioned shorter hemlines... ...along with the nastiest feet known to man. Not deliberately trying to make anyone vomit here, but I got on the escalator at the mall the other day, and right at eye-level with me were the crustiest, scaliest, YELLOWEST feet I have ever witnessed in my 33 years on this planet.
- Pot holes the size of moon craters all over the city. Driving to work lately has become a combined effort to avoid the pot holes myself, and avoid the morons who swerve into my lane to avoid them. So far my poor Rico has escaped unscathed, but he's had a couple of scares.
- Warm temperatures = open car windows = getting to eavesdrop on other people's conversations and hilarious singing while driving beside them and attempting to keep a straight face.
- Warm temperatures = open car windows = me getting busted for my hilarious singing while driving beside other cars.
- Geese, geese, everywhere. They're all cute and goose-like until you get too close to one and it hisses at you. (Freakiest shit I've ever seen!)
- Not being able to go anywhere without someone talking about THE FLOOD. Now maybe I'm being insensitive here, but I live nowhere near anywhere that will see any overland water, nor do any of my friends or family members, so I'm really not all that concerned. If you are so gung-ho, rather than flap your gums about it to complete strangers, go fill a few sandbags and make yourself useful.*
- My kid squelching around in her pink rubber boots. Does anyone else remember getting booters?
- Not being able to leave home without allergy meds so I can actually breathe through the dust and mold. Ahhhh... Otrivin.
- Shirtless joggers. Happy thought, only when assuming said shirtless jogger is a specimen straight off the Firefighter's calendar. Not so happy thought when said shirtless jogger is closing in on 60 with saggy man boobs.
*While do feel badly that many people will likely see flood damage to their homes in the next month, I just want to point out that when purchasing property, it is only good sense to research the area you are looking to buy in, and therefore should be aware if your future home is on a flood plain. Just pointing out the obvious.
*Chelsea Dagger - The Fratellis*
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do and it's breaking my heart in two because I never wanna see you a sad girl don't be a bad girl
Monday, April 4, 2011
Cause I'll be kicking the flavor that makes you wanna jump how high? Real high cause I'm just so fly
- Survived the holiday season working my 14th Christmas in retail. Barely.
- Went to Cuba. Hated it, but loved the tan I came back with to make all my fellow Winnipeggers jealous with.
- Got the happy news that I will be going to Cancun in June for work, hopefully getting the bad taste of Cuba out of my mouth.
- Hooked up with my ex. Twice.
- Immediately regretted said hookups.
- Engaged in a lot of shopping to distract myself from aforementioned stupidity. Two words: Retail Therapy.
- Dodged the late night booty texts from a retardedly hot 28-year-old who, in the past, has demonstrated his remarkable abilities in bed.
- Am currently wondering why the hell I am dodging the late night booty texts from a retardedly hot 28-year-old who, in the past, has demonstrated his remarkable abilities in bed.
- Am also shoe-shopping on line while composing this post.
- Am thinking it's possible I may suffer from ADD.
There. All caught up. Now there's 5 minutes of your life you will never see again.
*Jump - Kriss Kross*